Talk:Genius + New Partner = New Wife = New Kids/@comment-98.236.88.50-20131124233305

I got that off of my chest.

The bad:

First of all you lack realism and lots of it.

Every single character Dudley, The Chief, Kezwick, and Kitty are out of character. Also I hate to point this out to you, but Kezwick is not a Doctor and he knows it. (and so do you)

Neither are the rest of the characters you used for the impromptu birth scene for your OC Sonata and it wasn't a bit realistic or something I could suspend the belief of or a lack of. Which is why they send themselves to certified Doctors and Nurses because, well, there are too many scenes of them being hauled into ambulances to not notice. Sonata is kidnapped then gives birth and then-

There's very little story for me to even read and three years after the birth I'm afraid. Kezwick's kids take after their parents, they're nervous, one of them urinates, one them has a bad dream, comfort, then the monorail ride, (oh golly gee, oh happy day)

You see nothing interesting is really happening here.

Also your OCs Sonata and her kids are basically two dimensionally; they are flat cardboard cut outs that have little personality. You focus too much on child birthing and the poorest examples of child rearing and urinating and sneezing to even remember an actual story should be taking place.

But wait there's more! :D

The good and how you can improve:

This is gonna be a doozy.

This story can become better, that's right you the author can make this story entertaining for as little as $9.99.

I was just joking, you see you need to adopt a better narrative instead of writing in script format. It's not professional or something you want to keep doing. Script writers are for aspiring writers who want to write plays, movies, sitcoms. You get the idea and probably sell those ideas to Hollywood or Broadway or even the Theatre market.

This is not for you, my friend there are better ways to tell this story.

-Characters are only as smart as there writers: this being said you should brush up on your basics like raising children and child birth you know next to nothing. Oh, right and sex and conception of a baby and contraception and mood swings and you got me-

Because Sonata was giving vaginal birth you did mean her babies were born feet first and that's the reason they had to pull, right? (you need actual descriptions I can't work like this)

I'm so confused.

-The character Sonata is basically a carbon copy of Kezwick and she's a bleeding Mary-Sue, wealthy and can kick ass, and then the contrived plot device that calls for DOOM to kidnap her after being mistaken for her brother then paired with Kezwick.

Then there's no actual ass kicking...I was hoping for some butt whooping you let me down. This story is weak, very weak, but only you can make it strong.

I hope you consider this and if you don't I hope it haunts you into becoming a better writer.

Do yourself a favor and better yourself.

As an aspiring writer myself you can do great things if you don't hold yourself back.

Keep writing.